Conciousness

It was a cold morning. I set the alarm for 6 am to wake up for the surf. The sun was about to rise, but it was still dark outside. When I heard the alarm going off, I hoped it wasn’t mine, it was 5 am, and I had one more hour of sleep. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the case. I had to stand up, turn it off and decide what’s next. On one side, there was a cold, rainy day with some swell, but probably not significant. On the other hand, a warm bed almost told me to go back and cover myself with a warm duvet. I know that it is crucial not to break a habit, but… I can sleep in a bit. There isn’t much happening on the camera; the waves look like they’re closing out, and I might have a chance to jump into the water during lunchtime. After hesitation, I jump back to the bed, sleeping in. I will do some coding, but first, a little nap. I close my eyes and go back to the dreamland. It is hard to rest if I keep thinking about the surf that I’m missing and the coding that I’m not doing, but I stay in bed until it is too late to do anything other than getting ready for work and childcare. The morning is lost, and I think I’m not meant to succeed in my goals. Especially when I see the later surf report that says it was a perfect morning with offshore conditions that I missed. I start blaming my nature, and I think there is nothing I can do about that. I will be losing time, not getting any closer to what I desire about myself in terms of improvement. Is it my fate?

Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate”. It applies very well to my situation. I can blame my nature, fate, or whatever I call it for lack of consistency, but the reality is different. Every day, I have the opportunity to follow my convictions, but I will need to be more aware of my limitations. Instead of blaming myself for not waking up early enough, I think I can review my goals and see what is essential from a third-party perspective. A lot is happening beneath the surface of consciousness, and I firmly believe that we need to recognise that we are not entirely in control of ourselves. Being conscious about it might help us have more control over our thoughts and desires.

In my case, I try to accept that there is an ambitious part of myself that drives self-improvement and a lazy one. I would prefer not to feed my laziness and keep growing full of energy. However, whatever you feed will dominate you. Therefore, I firmly believe I need to focus on the positive aspects, keep working, and at the same time, not expect the impossible. At the same time, accepting the lazy part that I try to suppress might be constructive. Therefore, instead of killing it entirely, I need to work with it to grow as a person, not only my projection of success.