First impression

It was a late May afternoon at Maroubra. As winter was about to arrive, the days became shorter and shorter, so the sun was nearly setting. In early 2017, I was still a BJJ white belt and was about to start my Australian journey with this sport. That evening, I attended my first training session at the small gym with low expectations. I always treated jujitsu as a side project, so I didn’t pay much attention to my performance. Finally, I arrived at the gym, put on the gi, and joined the group. We did some techniques, and as usual, there were rolls at the end of the session. I rolled with our trainer, a black belt with enormous respect in the gym. I think he didn’t treat me seriously, so he let me do things, allowing me to apply some techniques. At that time, he didn’t know about my secret weapon, which I got since my early jiujitsu days—the triangle choke. My choke got in after a minute of fun rolling out of nowhere. I saw the trainer struggle a bit to take it off. He was much bigger than me, but the choke got deep, and I will always claim I was close to tapping him. Not sure if he agrees or even remembers it, though. I realised that I got the black belt trainer into trouble, but more critically, everybody in the gym saw this as well. From now on, I was the guy with a deadly triangle choke that people know and respect, and I think it was a game-changer in my confidence.

That situation is one example of how I perceive myself in specific communities based on first impressions. It was an easy path to success from now on. Once people around you know and recognise you, you have more motivation to do things and way more confidence being around. It helped me to strive and build my BJJ game. In the harsh environment, surrounded by former Bra Boys, I felt at ease with the respect I gained and cultivated through my perseverance and consistency. I think I was learning quickly, and in a few years, I was able to compete and win competitions. I consider it a great success, and I am deeply passionate about my jiujitsu.

When the first impression is good, it helps build confidence, and growth can occur relatively quickly. Unfortunately, it is not always the case. For example, in my surfing, I make progress very slowly. I wish I could catch a great wave every time I join the lineup so that I could join the crowd at the peak with confidence, but it rarely happens. Instead, I feel very humble, letting the experienced guys grab the best waves and use them. The lack of a first impression is blocking me from having the real fun and getting the opportunity to learn new moves and train my carves, speed generation, etc. It is hard to be the worst of the people around, but it might be the best way to grow. There are a few things to consider, though. Firstly, acceptance of the situation. I don’t think fooling yourself that you surf like Kelly Slater will help you out. It’s better to be aware of your abilities. Maybe fooling yourself a bit to gain confidence would work, but I’m not sure if it won’t backfire. Secondly, I don’t think we should care what the other person will think about you falling. We all want to make a great impression on the surfers around us, but if we care more about it than surfing, it blocks us from making any progress. We should be cautious about the lineup, respecting surf etiquette, but at the same time, making sure that we are utilising the wave potential.

Lately, I went to Narrabeen for a surf. It was a beautiful wave, constantly breaking in the same place. I saw deep barrels, beautiful carves and some guys ripping the lineup. I did struggle to catch anything. The problem was that I didn’t want to join the experienced crew at the peak, so I grabbed some leftovers, which I couldn’t ride well. The negative feedback loop worked out, and I had an awful session with great waves. I firmly believe my ego somehow expects acceptance from the respected crew, and if I don’t get it, I struggle to build confidence. It is the destructive aspect of relying on the first impression effect.

The main thought I wanted to convey in this essay is that it is a great feeling to make an excellent first impression and later build our confidence on it, but we can’t rely on it always happening. A more effective way to grow is to accept the situation, prepare for slow growth, and consistently work on our place in the respect hierarchy. And most importantly, to not treat ourselves too seriously. As long as we do not drop on somebody, he doesn’t care how much spray we throw while making a top turn.